Positive discipline is a new educational trend for parents and teachers. This method quickly seduces more and more parents who are losing their bearings against children who no longer have the same relationship to authority. This approach is good for the whole family.
Positive discipline Application Effects.
Through its association, conferences and workshops, the Discipline Positive (DP) is emulating in Parents. Parents, who losing their bearings and authority, realize that the education they have received does not really work on their children. The DP offers them a method based on the winning firmness / benevolence, neither permissive nor punitive, which aims to teach key concepts of autonomy, trust, mutual respect, cooperation and self-discipline. The whole approach based on common sense with in focus the long term and the fulfillment of the child and parents.
The specificities of Education.
Although Positive Discipline (DP) is inspired by a European current, it has been brought up to date in the United States where education is a little different. Without opposing the two modes of education, there is a relationship to authority and a very vertical injunction: children were subjected to parents who gave orders that ‘Were not disputed’. Orders often given only by the father who alone embodied the face of authority.
Neither Permissiveness nor Authoritarianism.
Today, we are in the search for landmarks because submission and verticality in authority are changing. What is interesting is that the Americans have already gone through the phase of the child King and “forbidden to forbid.” And they realized that permissiveness prevented the child from building. In the end, neither education in which things are imposed nor laissez-faire seem to work. Hence the interest of the DP for the clinician described as “discipline that teaches the child”. When the child is not taught to make the right choices on his own, he is not taught to cope alone.
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The Firmness and Benevolence duo.
The basis of positive discipline is a mixture of firmness “to respect the world of the adult” and benevolence “to respect that of the child”. Education must not fall into the authority that does not empower the child, nor must it fall within the permissiveness that also leads to the abandonment of all responsibility on the part of the child. Firmness and benevolence must be used simultaneously in accordance with the principles of the RFP (Responsibility, Firmness, Permissiveness), not one or the other at the same time.
Encouragement, the key to vault.
Encouragement is at the heart of the DP because it is essential in the education of a child, it allows him to build a good self-esteem. On the other hand, it is often because he cannot do something he refuses to do or drags his feet to the task, it’s his way of asking you for help. Encouragement teaches children the life skills and sense of social responsibility that they have and will need in the long run to achieve and fulfill their full potential.
With positive discipline, errors are no longer negative. They are seen as an additional means of dynamic and constructive learning. We must integrate error as part of the learning process and not as something that results in a sanction. When a child makes a mistake, behaves inappropriately rather than punishes, it is better to help him find a solution to the mistake he has just made, help him understand why it is wrong.
Inappropriate behaviors reflect a need.
The great Adlerian principles remind us that “every behavior has a Reason to be”, a child who behaves inappropriately is a child who does not feel himself in the group, who is faced with a situation Does not know how to manage. A child who behaves badly is a discouraged child. To help him, the adult must ask himself the question “What is he trying to tell me? ” So he can put in place the solutions to help the child and make sure that he does not repeat his destabilizing acts or words for the parents.
To understand and respond better to a child who behaves badly or who has just made a mistake, break times are paramount in positive discipline. Pause times are a frustration management tool. It is important to make these breaks. To take a break is to take time to regain its rationality, it is to reconnect with its reason. Recall that losing his calm is normal, these pause times are essential to make a fair and rational decision about the inappropriate behavior of the child.
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The End of Punishments.
One of the revolutions of discipline is the end of punishments. With positive discipline, punishment becomes useless because when all the tools are put in place and the child understands why he is acting, the punishment becomes less important, but be careful, if one does not advocate punishment. The idea is that when it is necessary, it must be educational.
Positive discipline is a discipline that teaches. And clinically added: The punishment is still to make pay whereas it should be in a learning logic. Faced with a stupidity or an inappropriate behavior, the parents should ask the following questions before to punish: What is the skill that it lacks to not start again? What do I do to teach it?
Do not do it.
Always in the interest of learning, it is important not to do things for children, even if it saves us time or avoids losing patience. It is essential to involve children in everyday life. It is often underestimated how important it is for children to participate and contribute. But by acting for them, they are prevented from developing a solid confidence in their ability to cope with the vagaries and to do things on their own. Rather than underestimating them, it is better to trust their potential.
The courage to be imperfect parents.
Positive discipline seeks to absolve parents who have the right not to be perfect. Positive Discipline gives the keys to being the parent you want to be, it’s not the quest for perfection, you always have the opportunity to do better tomorrow, so no guilt. Link with our children, it is an approach that does well.
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