Mother-daughter relationships are not always easy. Between mirror effect and generational transmission, certain pitfalls arises. Yet establishing a complicit relationship based on trust is possible. Here are some keys to a better relationship.
The birth of a little girl for a mother is not trivial. This one is on the same side. The relationship will be established according to different factors. On the one hand, there is a mirror effect in the intimate gestures of the self, which added the weight of the generational transmissions of women. The ties with your own mother will strongly influence the relationship with this little girl. Some mothers will replicate, others repair or even respond. All relationships between mothers and daughters are Trans generational. Complicity must find its way, with this legacy.
My daughter, My Mirror.
Complicity can only exist if the mother leaves room for the femininity of her daughter. The mirror effect can be played very early. When little girls will want to put on their jewelry, dresses or shoes. Faced with these attitudes, some mothers can be intolerant, having the impression that their child wants to take their place. They may be shocked or disturbed by these manifestations of femininity. Real Issue is a sense of jealousy, which can be a signal that they feel threatened about their own place.
The keys to complicity: The most important thing is to let this femininity express itself, so that the little girl can be built. Without doing too much. Conversely, the mothers who make them compete in beauty competitions are objectify them.
My daughter, My Rival.
Some steps more than others will challenge the mother and her desire for complicity. The Oedipal phase is an important one. In her development process, the little girl will seek to oust the mother to have the love of the father for her only. This phase takes place around 3-5 years. There are times of calm and resurgences in adolescence. While you were her very first object of love, your daughter may be hostile with great impulses of affection and seduction towards the father.
The keys to complicity: It is best to accept it. Do not take shade. It will pass! The father too will be disillusioned. However, it is up to him not to yield too much to the seduction and to return in this game. He must put the necessary distance so that everyone keeps his place. On your side, clarify that you are your husband’s wife, and she is her father’s daughter.
My daughter, my other Self.
In the search for complicity with your daughter, another trap exists: that of projecting yourself too much on her and finding its effects on her. As if the child was a continuity of the mother as an extension. This complicity does not give her the freedom to build her identity. Actually the mother’s love for her is conditional for the girl to conform to the maternal desire.”
The keys to complicity: This relationship which reveals a strong maternal narcissism does not allow the little girl to differentiate. To recreate a more complicit relationship, make part of your projections which are her needs.
My daughter, my Girlfriend.
Some will look herself in their daughter, which they did not have in their childhood. Then they invest the relationship to repair anything they have missed. There is a nuance between occupying the place of accomplice which is more reserved for her friends and create moments of complicity. By placing herself as an accomplice / girlfriend, there can be a sort of injunction which leads to both addictions and confusion.
The keys to complicity: To be able to construct her own codes of femininity, a girl needs to be able to oppose her mother. In case of complicity imposed it is very difficult. Find your right place and you do not need to know everything, just let her alone. She has friends for her and you have yours, remember you are her mother!
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