There are certain things you should never tell a child if it is to give confidence and has a good foundation to communicate with them. How to avoid using these inappropriate expressions, although it always starts with good intentions? Our advice to not touch them in their esteem and psycho- emotional development.
Do not cry.
Denying the obvious emotion means you do not think his way of expressing it and created at the same time an internal conflict in children, lack of acceptance of himself. However, empathy and support, help your child to describe what he feels, as it is the recognition of sadness and fear. This would allow him not to identify with these feelings and to respond better later while facing his grief and anger.
Do not compare.
It is quite normal to always seek a reference to evaluate the success of our children. But each child has their own learning pace and compare it to other only undermine his confidence, because with you and all you do is tell them that you love for what they does and not for what they are. Stick to highlight their successes when they performs well.
Do not put a label.
Whether it’s quality or a defect, it is not good to label them. First, it can generate expectations from you that your child is afraid of not to fill it, which could denaturalize his personality. It may also lose confidence and behave as you consider it: “You’re clumsy” “You’re a slacker” etc. What you say, He noticed his qualities from time to time and do not exaggerate his mistakes.
Do not over-compliment.
The reassurance through compliments is a good tactic, but do it to excess for anything, devalues the effort which they were actually accomplished. Avoid overly generic words like “very good” or “You look great” and be more specific about what you satisfied in their behavior. For example, to promote one of his drawings or a good deed, establish a cause and effect: “In this drawing, you drew the clouds of today’s morning” or ” Now picked up your toys, so we can now go to the park you made in the drawing”
You can do better.
“You can do better” “I do not believe, you arrived !” or “It’s about time !” are expressions that indicate some degree of disapproval, In a sentimental point of view, is seen as a rejection . This is similar to “tag collage”, seen in previous point. These sentences clearly show that you do not believe completely in your child, and his achievements are something exceptional and unusual, which could frustrate him. You should show him your support.
You’ll understand when you’re older.
This phrase indicates that adults know everything and that small are ignorant. In reality, it hides a lack of effort on the part of parents, to find an appropriate response to their age and understanding. This can curb their thirst for curiosity and strength to answer them with this sentence, you can cut his desire to ask questions afterwards.
Do not disturb me.
If you often say they “do not disturb us”, “I’m busy” or “Stop being in my legs”. You tell them that you really do not have time for them, until that one day they end up wanting to spend time with you, breaking all parent/child communication. Best to ask them nicely that you need some time for yourself without giving this rejection impression. For example: “I would not hear you while I” or “When I ‘m done with that, I am yours, kids”.
The tone of voice is very important. The pressure will not make them do things as you want them to do it, this is not motivating. Instead you get carried away by your own pressure, better to explain calmly and realistically about the time they have to complete all their projects and make them understand that they must get to the point without dwelling on details, and this is for the good of all.
Do not threaten.
The threat never brings good results. It tends to have negative consequences, such as decrease charisma, forcing them to live in fear. Also, if the threat becomes real at one time or another, you no longer have any power over him. Better to calm the situation by removing the child from the environment of questions.
You’ll see when your mother or your father will return.
In this kind of sentence, we feel that the father and mother do not treat the child in the same way, giving more authority to one or the other. In this case, The child is the victim of a punishment that has not been given, and on the other hand, this gives parents all parental rights to her husband. When you come home, you will not be fully informed of the situation as opposed to another. In addition, the child will probably remember more of what he has done wrong when the other parent will ask him to account.
I do not love you.
“I do not love you”, “I’m sick of you” and “You do not love me” are phrases to avoid. Tenderness and love you feel for your offspring from day one is intact, even bigger, it is unconditional and non-negotiable and vice versa. Your child wears your love is pure and natural, do not use it to blackmail him. You will only sadden and this can lead to disenchantment. We love the children as they are, not for what they do or stop doing.
We’ll see later.
Children live in the present and need immediate answers. If your answer is “No” and you’re afraid to tell him, you are wrong, it is better to tell him. If unsure of your answer, tell him ” Ask Me more later, if you need to”.
Because I ‘m telling you.
The authority expressed with authoritarianism is not good from an educational point of view. Because you do by imposing things and in a climate of fear. It is a Bad strategy to establish a healthy and reasonable communication between parents and children. You are only put distance between you and them.
Make a kiss to Tata.
Who do you settle? A kiss or a hug is a sign of esteem that you cannot force someone to do if it does not feel like it, since it would be wrong. Do not push your kids to do, they trivialize this gesture. If your child does not feel like it, you must respect his choice, otherwise he will think that the emotions are dictated by others and you lose control of him.
Ask her forgiveness.
Children do not understand the meaning of apology to a certain age. Before that, all you do is force them to do something they do not feel. Best to apologize instead of children and on their behalf so that they gradually learn the meaning of forgiveness.
I’m not a good mother / good father.
These words not only undermine the self-esteem of the parent, and also remove their authority, leading at the same time a loss of confidence in children that takes its cue from its parent, as a referent. You can also develop a sense of guilt in children.
You tend to always annoy me.
This sentence shows a lack of self-control and a certain intolerance on the part of the parent. You keep your children more responsible. The adverb “always” is not used wisely: even if your child make you “mad” often, you exaggerate and punish as if it was obvious. It’s better to say nothing and to ensure that you are losing control of your emotions and reactions.
This monosyllable should be used only at certain times, so do not abuse them, because often this rapid response is an easy front end to many situations. The problem is that it is not at all accurate. For example, if the child is mounted on the table, better to say “Come down” instead of simply say “No”.
Criticize someone in front of him.
Talking someone in a wrong way is one thing you should not to do before the children (or on their backs, for the good of all). Especially if he is a member of the family: father, mother, aunt, friend, and the in-laws. Every person has reasons to behave in a certain way and you are not entitled to judge them. you’re a role model to your children.
[image Source: goodtherapy.org]
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